FASHION & ANGST - FIRST EDITION
Hey Alpha! Welcome to the first publication of the fashion column “Fashion & Angst”!!
Even though the month of fresh beginnings has already passed, that doesn't mean that we can't look fresher than the approaching winter! This time around, I'm going to be talking about two groovy fashion items from this season that you just cannot miss.
The Herschel bag is a high quality—with an even higher price tag—bag that's been appearing everywhere in school. A favourite amongst the "Hypebeast" crowd—a recent phenomenon that has been taking young boys by storm and lets them flaunt their hard-earned money. But don't be fooled! Just because they've claimed it as a fashion icon of their own doesn't mean that you can't rock one too! It's a stylish bag that complements just about any outfit that you might put together so that that you can look slick without even trying! Feeling tired and don't want to put any effort into your OOTD? Then don't! Throw on those lazy sweats and the Herschel bag will make you look cooler than a penguin! Get yours today at any overpriced clothing store for the low price of at least $100!
AESTHETIC ILLUMINATI SHIRT
Up next is the Aesthetic Illuminati Shirt. This trendy shirt that has a photo of the New York skyline in the darker hours of the night in the background and showcases a geometric design incorporating triangles and angular lines. It's this exact triangular design that makes it the Illuminati shirt. The triangle looks suspiciously like the infamous triangle with an eye that's associated with the Illuminati—a supposed secret society of world leaders, business authorities, innovators, artists and other influential members of this planet who basically want to take over the world. What a thought! This shirt is in fact from the men's section and is 5 sizes too large—perfect for when you want to hide from the world! This shirt goes great with a pair of leggings or something similar, with the bagginess of the shirt contrasting nicely with the tightness of the pants. Plus, you get to show off those untoned calves! Available at any store that sells shirts of aesthetic landscapes!
Q n A
I need you lovely readers to send in any fashion questions that you might have. You might want to ask: what sort of clothes are in style? How should I colour coordinate? Or what on earth is a colour wheel? Ask me anything! Please email your questions to email@example.com!
DISCLAIMER: This column is mostly fictional and entirely satirical.